I'm tired of the Second Amendment.
Not just the Second Amendment, really, it's just words on paper, but the attitude that its defenders have: that because of the words on paper, it's okay if 30,000 Americans a year – counting murders, suicides and accidental shootings – die. That somehow the higher principles of the or this piece of paper are worth an entire large town being wiped out every year.
Worse is the terrible inversion of reasoning – that somehow, despite thirty thousand gun deaths a year, it would somehow be worse if there weren't guns in our society. That criminals, now the only people with guns, would go on unstoppable murder rampages, as if we somehow don't have murder rampages caused by gun ownership!
It's just so . . . despicable that people think clinging to their penis substitutes is worth more than the lives of thirty thousand Americans every year. I'm tired of hearing about the Second Amendment. Fuck the Second Amendment. It's not worth it.
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tito Ortiz is the person Josh Koscheck wants to be
I recently watched season 3 of The Ultimate Fighter with coaches Tito Ortiz and Ken Shamrock. Hitherto, I had thought Ortiz to be a giant asshole and, frankly, he sorta is a giant asshole, but he's a good coach and a surprisingly sensitive guy. In one of the early episodes, one of the fighters was crying and Ortiz was saying how it was OK to cry, that Ortiz cried himself, that everyone has feelings, that MMA is an emotional sport. Ortiz coached the fighters in TUF so well, not just contentiously in the sense of being there and working hard with them, but also in the sense of being there for them emotionally during what was a trying time for them, that it made me reevaluate him as a person.
Josh Koscheck was on season 12 of TUF as one of the coaches and it just reinforced the idea he was a shallow, thoughtless asshole. It was Adrienne who said that Josh Koscheck wants to be Tito Ortiz when he grows up.
It's true! Everything that Koscheck wants to be, Ortiz is already an intensification of that. So, during Countdown to UFC 124, Koscheck talked about how hard it was to grow up in Waynesburg, PA, because he was mixed race. Hey! Tito Ortiz is also mixed race, growing up in Huntington Beach, CA, where . . . his family was sometimes homeless and he was mixed up in gangs. So, kids picked on Josh for being mixed race but Ortiz was homeless and in in gangs. So, in the realms of hardluck backstories, Koscheck's is pretty lame compared to Ortiz.
Both of them are wrestlers who went into MMA. To give Koscheck his due, he was a really great college wrestler with an amazing record. Once they got into MMA, their careers took similar paths except . . . Ortiz was a champion for three and a half undefeated years. Oh, sure, nowadays, after all kinds of back surgeries, Ortiz is a shadow of the fighter he once was, but not too long ago, Ortiz was the best. Maybe Koscheck will beat GSP -- lightning could strike, the bookies odds are hovering around 4 to 1 against Koscheck -- but it is vanishingly unlikely that Koscheck will ever have the kind of success at MMA that Ortiz has had. (Koscheck is 33. His title shot Saturday is likely to be the only title shot he ever gets, he's sort of hit his peak and this is it for him. If he loses, the UFC welterweight division is stacked with great fighters. He'll go to the end of a very long line, it'll be four or more years before he has the chance to fight for the belt, again, and the odds that a 37 year old guy can fight at that level are small . . . at least, without chemical assistance.)
It is also difficult to compare their MMA careers outside the metric of Ortiz's multi-year championship winning streak. Ortiz did his best fighting between 1997 and 2005, when MMA was still in its infancy in the US. There were no MMA coaches, nothing but some guys in their local gyms trying to figure things out. Ortiz figured out not just the basic elements of US MMA -- submission wrestling plus kickboxing -- but he was one of the first guys to put it all together. He didn't hit and then wrestle, he used strikes to open up takedowns, he used takedown attempts to open up strikes, he flowed from one to the other as one complete unit. Nowadays, Koscheck does that, too, lots of guys in MMA do that, but Ortiz helped to invent that style of fighting. Koscheck fights like Ortiz, a style that Ortiz . . . kinna invented. Koscheck will leave no lasting impressions on MMA. He's a good fighter but when he's gone, we will forget him.
They're also guys who revel in playing the heel. Except one of them is a goddamn master of it and it's not Koscheck. Koscheck's idea of playing the heel is to make fun of Georges St-Pierre's sometimes halting English. WTF? Really? You're going to make fun of the guy who speaks, like, three times as many languages as you, really, Josh? Tito Ortiz, on the other hand, after defeating Guy Mezger put on a T-shirt, right there in the ring, that said, "Gay Mezger is my bitch". On another occasion, his shirt said, "I just fucked you in the ass". Needless to say, people freaked the hell right out about that. They did things like cut away from Tito so they wouldn't show the shirts, they talked endlessly about the deep and bitter rivalries created by Ortiz -- particularly with Ken Shamrock and the whole Lion's Den (Shamrock's MMA training camp). I don't know that Koscheck has managed to create even one real rivalry. I think he's tried with GSP, but he selected the wrong target, then, on so many different levels and it has failed utterly. Everyone knows, win or lose, GSP will get over Koscheck. He won't be frothing at the mouth and screaming obscenities, something Ortiz could get people to do with regularity.
There are also little things, too. Like Ortiz has mastered the look that people give when they want to fight. If you've ever been in a punk club, you'll see people with this certain . . . look. It is an advertizement that he wants to fight. He used it to freak out Ken Shamrock all the time. He'd also do that twitch towards guys like he was going to do something . . . but he wouldn't. Koscheck has nothing like that. He tries to play it off like he's Mr. Cool but it comes off like Mr. Douchebag -- Koscheck has the exact same smirk as George W. Bush.
Even their fight winning signature moves . . . Koscheck just runs around and flexes and roars in a predictable way. Ortiz would turn to the losing corner and with loose hipped cocky pantomime, draw his six-shooters and gun 'em down. Then he'd mime digging a grave and pulling the other person into it. Ortiz projected a suave toughness and cockiness that was just universes ahead of anything Koscheck can do. The hell of it is, Ortiz would have the crowd on his side. It's been a while since Koscheck had that.
And then there's their women. It's not particularly surprising when an elite athlete has an arm candy girlfriend, but Ortiz has twins with Jenna Jameson. Now, I'm not what you'd call porn savvy but even I know who she is. Josh Koscheck's girlfriend was Holly Madison. You'll probably have to use Google on that one, but she looses the dignity war with a porn star, shall we say.
So, they're both mixed race guys with troubled backgrounds, except one of them is a lot more troubled and wins in the hardluck case. One of them is a giant of MMA who bestrode the earth like a colossus and is a big part of the sport's current popularity. One of them is has achieved a rare mastery of being the trash talking heel. One of them is dating the woman who brought pornography into the mainstream, the other dates someone who is even more socially irrelevant than that. I can only conclude that Ortiz is what Koscheck wants to be . . . and is failing to be.
Hell, they're even mixed race guys who dye their hair blond. Except Tito did it first.
(AND, here's the hell of it, Ortiz is also one of those "give back to the community" guys who has worked with at risk youth in Huntington Beach to keep them away from gangs. Ortiz has this whole other life that Koscheck can't begin to touch.)
Josh Koscheck was on season 12 of TUF as one of the coaches and it just reinforced the idea he was a shallow, thoughtless asshole. It was Adrienne who said that Josh Koscheck wants to be Tito Ortiz when he grows up.
It's true! Everything that Koscheck wants to be, Ortiz is already an intensification of that. So, during Countdown to UFC 124, Koscheck talked about how hard it was to grow up in Waynesburg, PA, because he was mixed race. Hey! Tito Ortiz is also mixed race, growing up in Huntington Beach, CA, where . . . his family was sometimes homeless and he was mixed up in gangs. So, kids picked on Josh for being mixed race but Ortiz was homeless and in in gangs. So, in the realms of hardluck backstories, Koscheck's is pretty lame compared to Ortiz.
Both of them are wrestlers who went into MMA. To give Koscheck his due, he was a really great college wrestler with an amazing record. Once they got into MMA, their careers took similar paths except . . . Ortiz was a champion for three and a half undefeated years. Oh, sure, nowadays, after all kinds of back surgeries, Ortiz is a shadow of the fighter he once was, but not too long ago, Ortiz was the best. Maybe Koscheck will beat GSP -- lightning could strike, the bookies odds are hovering around 4 to 1 against Koscheck -- but it is vanishingly unlikely that Koscheck will ever have the kind of success at MMA that Ortiz has had. (Koscheck is 33. His title shot Saturday is likely to be the only title shot he ever gets, he's sort of hit his peak and this is it for him. If he loses, the UFC welterweight division is stacked with great fighters. He'll go to the end of a very long line, it'll be four or more years before he has the chance to fight for the belt, again, and the odds that a 37 year old guy can fight at that level are small . . . at least, without chemical assistance.)
It is also difficult to compare their MMA careers outside the metric of Ortiz's multi-year championship winning streak. Ortiz did his best fighting between 1997 and 2005, when MMA was still in its infancy in the US. There were no MMA coaches, nothing but some guys in their local gyms trying to figure things out. Ortiz figured out not just the basic elements of US MMA -- submission wrestling plus kickboxing -- but he was one of the first guys to put it all together. He didn't hit and then wrestle, he used strikes to open up takedowns, he used takedown attempts to open up strikes, he flowed from one to the other as one complete unit. Nowadays, Koscheck does that, too, lots of guys in MMA do that, but Ortiz helped to invent that style of fighting. Koscheck fights like Ortiz, a style that Ortiz . . . kinna invented. Koscheck will leave no lasting impressions on MMA. He's a good fighter but when he's gone, we will forget him.
They're also guys who revel in playing the heel. Except one of them is a goddamn master of it and it's not Koscheck. Koscheck's idea of playing the heel is to make fun of Georges St-Pierre's sometimes halting English. WTF? Really? You're going to make fun of the guy who speaks, like, three times as many languages as you, really, Josh? Tito Ortiz, on the other hand, after defeating Guy Mezger put on a T-shirt, right there in the ring, that said, "Gay Mezger is my bitch". On another occasion, his shirt said, "I just fucked you in the ass". Needless to say, people freaked the hell right out about that. They did things like cut away from Tito so they wouldn't show the shirts, they talked endlessly about the deep and bitter rivalries created by Ortiz -- particularly with Ken Shamrock and the whole Lion's Den (Shamrock's MMA training camp). I don't know that Koscheck has managed to create even one real rivalry. I think he's tried with GSP, but he selected the wrong target, then, on so many different levels and it has failed utterly. Everyone knows, win or lose, GSP will get over Koscheck. He won't be frothing at the mouth and screaming obscenities, something Ortiz could get people to do with regularity.
There are also little things, too. Like Ortiz has mastered the look that people give when they want to fight. If you've ever been in a punk club, you'll see people with this certain . . . look. It is an advertizement that he wants to fight. He used it to freak out Ken Shamrock all the time. He'd also do that twitch towards guys like he was going to do something . . . but he wouldn't. Koscheck has nothing like that. He tries to play it off like he's Mr. Cool but it comes off like Mr. Douchebag -- Koscheck has the exact same smirk as George W. Bush.
Even their fight winning signature moves . . . Koscheck just runs around and flexes and roars in a predictable way. Ortiz would turn to the losing corner and with loose hipped cocky pantomime, draw his six-shooters and gun 'em down. Then he'd mime digging a grave and pulling the other person into it. Ortiz projected a suave toughness and cockiness that was just universes ahead of anything Koscheck can do. The hell of it is, Ortiz would have the crowd on his side. It's been a while since Koscheck had that.
And then there's their women. It's not particularly surprising when an elite athlete has an arm candy girlfriend, but Ortiz has twins with Jenna Jameson. Now, I'm not what you'd call porn savvy but even I know who she is. Josh Koscheck's girlfriend was Holly Madison. You'll probably have to use Google on that one, but she looses the dignity war with a porn star, shall we say.
So, they're both mixed race guys with troubled backgrounds, except one of them is a lot more troubled and wins in the hardluck case. One of them is a giant of MMA who bestrode the earth like a colossus and is a big part of the sport's current popularity. One of them is has achieved a rare mastery of being the trash talking heel. One of them is dating the woman who brought pornography into the mainstream, the other dates someone who is even more socially irrelevant than that. I can only conclude that Ortiz is what Koscheck wants to be . . . and is failing to be.
Hell, they're even mixed race guys who dye their hair blond. Except Tito did it first.
(AND, here's the hell of it, Ortiz is also one of those "give back to the community" guys who has worked with at risk youth in Huntington Beach to keep them away from gangs. Ortiz has this whole other life that Koscheck can't begin to touch.)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
World MMA Awards are made of stupid
Wednesday night were the MMA Awards and the sport is still very young. And it's . . . slightly disturbing seeing how some things play out. Like the MMA Awards. In particular, it really reminds me that a sport shouldn't develop in Las Vegas.
Have no doubt, Las Vegas is the American heart of MMA. If you see two MMA guys fighting and one of them is from Las Vegas and the other is from somewhere else, bet on the Las Vegas guy. When the UFC was about to go down, some casino guys -- Frank and Lorenzo Fertitta -- bought the UFC (an opportunity opened by now-UFC president Dana White). Vegas is a fight town and has lots of good venues for those kinds of fights. So the fighters tended to set up shop in Vegas, which brought more fighters to Vegas . . . so Vegas is an MMA town. In America, it's the MMA town.
But it's still Vegas and . . . fuckin' Vegas sucks. It sucks all the joy out of everything and replaces it a glitz covered demon-cock version of everything you love. And in the US, the UFC, an extremely Las Vegas organization, full of Las Vegas "values", can call the shots. It is easily the biggest, most influential, richest MMA promotion in the world. Even in other MMA countries, like Brazil and Japan, they've got nothing to match the UFC. And the World MMA Awards are a Las Vegas event.
Which brings us back to the MMA Awards. It makes sense to award people in this kind of competitive field. An awarding body makes sense. But Las Vegas sucks the joy out of it and replaces it with glittering demon spunk all over everything. Here are the awards and winners.
Some of them are necessary. Best fight, best submission, best KO, best breakthrough fighter, sure, all of this is legitimate and the awards would be meaningless without those kinds of categories.
But . . . there's a category for best "lifestyle clothing brand"? Really? What the FUCK? A category for . . . the fuckin' ring girls?! "Leading Man of the Year"? What does that even mean?
And that "Charles 'Mask' Lewis Fighter of the Year" . . . you might wonder who is Charles "Mask" Lewis. Some great promoter or fighter or legacy figure in MMA? No. He's the guy who started the "TapouT" line of clothing. That's it. He made a bunch of T-shirts. And then he died in a car wreck. So, for the title of best fighter of the year, a title very deservingly going to the incredible Jose Aldo, is named after a t-shirt shill. Not a great martial artist. Not a great coach. The dude who makes the t-shirts.
This is Las Vegas. Where awards of great fighters like Cris Cyborg and Jose Aldo go hand in hand with who-gives-a-shit awards like "Best Lifestyle Clothing Brand" and "Ring Girl of the Year". And because MMA is such a Las Vegas operation, they don't even see how this hurts the sport -- how people who are having trouble taking MMA seriously, thinking it a kind of spectacle or a fad, look at things like this and go, "See? You don't see football awards going to best cheerleader." You don't. Because no one fucking cares who has the best cheerleaders. No one cares what "lifestyle clothing" gets advertised. But Las Vegas guys don't think twice about turning what should be an event entirely to do with the fighters, coaches, corner guys, refs, the people who are utterly indispensable to the sport and instead the whore it up by putting pin-up models and sweatshop shills into the mix. They don't even see why that kind of pandering makes people grit their teeth or laugh about that silly little fad sport that'll soon go the way of the hula hoop.
MMA is definitely suffering some growing pains. Stuff like this is part of it, I suppose, though stuff like this makes me doubt if the kid is going to ever reach adulthood. Perhaps I'll start writing on what it'll take to bring actual dignity to MMA as a sport.
Have no doubt, Las Vegas is the American heart of MMA. If you see two MMA guys fighting and one of them is from Las Vegas and the other is from somewhere else, bet on the Las Vegas guy. When the UFC was about to go down, some casino guys -- Frank and Lorenzo Fertitta -- bought the UFC (an opportunity opened by now-UFC president Dana White). Vegas is a fight town and has lots of good venues for those kinds of fights. So the fighters tended to set up shop in Vegas, which brought more fighters to Vegas . . . so Vegas is an MMA town. In America, it's the MMA town.
But it's still Vegas and . . . fuckin' Vegas sucks. It sucks all the joy out of everything and replaces it a glitz covered demon-cock version of everything you love. And in the US, the UFC, an extremely Las Vegas organization, full of Las Vegas "values", can call the shots. It is easily the biggest, most influential, richest MMA promotion in the world. Even in other MMA countries, like Brazil and Japan, they've got nothing to match the UFC. And the World MMA Awards are a Las Vegas event.
Which brings us back to the MMA Awards. It makes sense to award people in this kind of competitive field. An awarding body makes sense. But Las Vegas sucks the joy out of it and replaces it with glittering demon spunk all over everything. Here are the awards and winners.
Some of them are necessary. Best fight, best submission, best KO, best breakthrough fighter, sure, all of this is legitimate and the awards would be meaningless without those kinds of categories.
But . . . there's a category for best "lifestyle clothing brand"? Really? What the FUCK? A category for . . . the fuckin' ring girls?! "Leading Man of the Year"? What does that even mean?
And that "Charles 'Mask' Lewis Fighter of the Year" . . . you might wonder who is Charles "Mask" Lewis. Some great promoter or fighter or legacy figure in MMA? No. He's the guy who started the "TapouT" line of clothing. That's it. He made a bunch of T-shirts. And then he died in a car wreck. So, for the title of best fighter of the year, a title very deservingly going to the incredible Jose Aldo, is named after a t-shirt shill. Not a great martial artist. Not a great coach. The dude who makes the t-shirts.
This is Las Vegas. Where awards of great fighters like Cris Cyborg and Jose Aldo go hand in hand with who-gives-a-shit awards like "Best Lifestyle Clothing Brand" and "Ring Girl of the Year". And because MMA is such a Las Vegas operation, they don't even see how this hurts the sport -- how people who are having trouble taking MMA seriously, thinking it a kind of spectacle or a fad, look at things like this and go, "See? You don't see football awards going to best cheerleader." You don't. Because no one fucking cares who has the best cheerleaders. No one cares what "lifestyle clothing" gets advertised. But Las Vegas guys don't think twice about turning what should be an event entirely to do with the fighters, coaches, corner guys, refs, the people who are utterly indispensable to the sport and instead the whore it up by putting pin-up models and sweatshop shills into the mix. They don't even see why that kind of pandering makes people grit their teeth or laugh about that silly little fad sport that'll soon go the way of the hula hoop.
MMA is definitely suffering some growing pains. Stuff like this is part of it, I suppose, though stuff like this makes me doubt if the kid is going to ever reach adulthood. Perhaps I'll start writing on what it'll take to bring actual dignity to MMA as a sport.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Never Surrender is a very bad movie
We just watched a movie called Never Surrender. Here's the cover:
I know most of the people who read my journal -- or, more precisely, look at the titles of my journal articles, hehe -- don't follow MMA. But it is normal for the jackets of movies to actually show the people actually starring in the movie. And there's a lot of MMA talent on this cover, let me tell you, ranging from the pretty good with Heath Herring (far left in back), to the really good with BJ Penn (back center) and Quinton Jackson (front left) to the best in the world with Georges St-Pierre (front right) and Anderson Silva (back right).
Now, all of them are in the movie. Heath Herring has the most screen time and actually qualifies as a "in" the movie, but the rest? Rampage Jackson is in the movie for about two minutes, GSP and BJ Penn are in slightly more, perhaps five minutes total for each of them and Anderson Silva is in for about two minutes with no dialog . . . which isn't too strange since he doesn't speak English, I suppose.
The movie actually stars this guy:
Hector Echavarria is his name. Who is he? I have no fucking idea. His Wikipedia page claims he's won a lot of competitions, such as the "World Vale-Tudo Kickboxing Champion of the World". None of his various world championships are sourced. Uh-huh. And I've never heard of such a thing as "World Vale-Tudo Kickboxing Champion of the World" and, perhaps more relevantly, Google has never heard of such a thing. It doesn't even make any goddamn sense! Vale tudo is basically Brazilian for "mixed martial arts" (though a little crazier). Vale tudo and kickboxing would be like saying the World Boxing Judo Champion of the World. Ugh. I mean, seriously? World Vale Tudo Kickboxing Champion of the World? Isn't that a bad Monty Python joke?
Other things Google has never heard of? World Kung Fu Championship. While there is no National World Tae Kwon Do Federation champion (c'mon, dood, is it national or world!) there is a WTF, which means World Tae Kwon Do Federation. I couldn't find Hector on the WTF webpage or any reference that seemed legitimate when googling them together.
There was a United States Karate Association up until 1999. From the 70s to 1989, however, it was functionally replaced by the Professional Karate Association and became the organization of Shuri-ryu karate (which was the style of the founder of the ISKA). From 1989 to 1999, the leadership of the organization was disputed after the founder of the ISKA died and in 1999 it was dissolved entirely. Uh-huh. I could probably get away saying I was an ISKA world champion, too, on account that the organization no longer exists.
I understand that martial arts isn't frequently very online. And his credentials are good enough so that Black Belt magazine recognizes him training Quinton Jackson and Chieck Kongo. His Wikipedia page also says he's working with BJ Penn . . . which is plausible since he got Penn in his silly little movie. But you compare Echavarria's Wikipedia page with, say, Penn's Wikipedia page -- and Penn's career is sourced out the wazoo. It says who Penn trained with and gives sources. So when Wikipedia says BJ Penn beat Brazilian jiu jitsu world champions, there's a sourced link to NBCSports.com. And, of course, it's superficially easy to find sources that acknowledge BJ Penn fought in the UFC and has held the lightweight and welterweight belts. And, interestingly enough, on Penn's Wikipedia page it makes no mention, at all, of Hector Echavarria training him. Neither does Rampage Jackson's page mention Echavarria as a trainer. Argh. This Echavarria is a tool.
This is just too good. I've got to quote: "Born in Corrientes, Argentina on December 6, 1969. Asthma troubled Echavarria as a young child, and his parents had to take turns rocking him at night just so he could breathe. His father sought help for his son with acupuncture treatments, and thereby came to know the first Shaolin monk to flee China, Grand Master Tung Kou Tsao. Although Hector was only four years old, Kou Tsao recommended that Hector learn Tai Chi Chuan because it would help alleviate his asthma by strengthening his breathing. For that reason, Hector started taking lessons in Tai Chi Chuan and Chinese Boxing with Kou Tsao. By the age of six, he was training in Judo and Jiu Jitsu under Grand Master Mayamoto of Kodokan." Holy shit, this guy's a fucking liar! Trained by Shaolin monks? Really? Grand masters of Kodokan started personally training him when he was six? Uh, yeah, right.
In addition to being a liar, he's also a lousy director and actor. I mean, I know that's what this article was supposed to be about but I was totally derailed by what a giant liar this guy is! Oh, excuse me, I'm sure that the article has no connection at all to Echavarria . . . *rolls eyes so far back I can see my brain*
But it's a lousy movie. Instead of being about all those MMA guys I like so well, it's about Hector and his MMA fanfic. Because that's what the movie is, MMA fanfic and he's the Mary Stu. Totally no kidding. So, he's the bestest MMA fighter ever and he hangs out all the time with a bunch of MMA guys, no, really! And they all just love him and think he's so cool and tough!
But MMA isn't badass enough for Hector, nope! He gets brought into an illegal tournament where he doesn't have to fight by any pansy rules! And for getting into the league, he gets to have sex with a hot girl! And when he wins, he gets to have sex with the other guy's hot girl and his own hot girl is totally okay with that! And he gets paid so much better than MMA fighters, who are always there for him and . . . he can beat up Anderson Silva! That's how tough he is!
It's totally fan fiction that somehow got filmed. The fights aren't particularly good -- so it's also a waste of talent, too.
Oh, god, the whole movie is like that. And it's awful. And I got suckered by the stupid fucking cover with guys I like on it. And there's a sex montage about every fifteen minutes. I think there are four of them in the movie. It's like, "Another fifteen minutes -- so here's some titties!" It's like a fourteen year old boy's power fantasy.
Anyway, the article rambled because I found saw Echavarria's lies about himself. The movie sucks. It's cover is a lie. A piece of my soul died today.
I know most of the people who read my journal -- or, more precisely, look at the titles of my journal articles, hehe -- don't follow MMA. But it is normal for the jackets of movies to actually show the people actually starring in the movie. And there's a lot of MMA talent on this cover, let me tell you, ranging from the pretty good with Heath Herring (far left in back), to the really good with BJ Penn (back center) and Quinton Jackson (front left) to the best in the world with Georges St-Pierre (front right) and Anderson Silva (back right).
Now, all of them are in the movie. Heath Herring has the most screen time and actually qualifies as a "in" the movie, but the rest? Rampage Jackson is in the movie for about two minutes, GSP and BJ Penn are in slightly more, perhaps five minutes total for each of them and Anderson Silva is in for about two minutes with no dialog . . . which isn't too strange since he doesn't speak English, I suppose.
The movie actually stars this guy:
Hector Echavarria is his name. Who is he? I have no fucking idea. His Wikipedia page claims he's won a lot of competitions, such as the "World Vale-Tudo Kickboxing Champion of the World". None of his various world championships are sourced. Uh-huh. And I've never heard of such a thing as "World Vale-Tudo Kickboxing Champion of the World" and, perhaps more relevantly, Google has never heard of such a thing. It doesn't even make any goddamn sense! Vale tudo is basically Brazilian for "mixed martial arts" (though a little crazier). Vale tudo and kickboxing would be like saying the World Boxing Judo Champion of the World. Ugh. I mean, seriously? World Vale Tudo Kickboxing Champion of the World? Isn't that a bad Monty Python joke?
Other things Google has never heard of? World Kung Fu Championship. While there is no National World Tae Kwon Do Federation champion (c'mon, dood, is it national or world!) there is a WTF, which means World Tae Kwon Do Federation. I couldn't find Hector on the WTF webpage or any reference that seemed legitimate when googling them together.
There was a United States Karate Association up until 1999. From the 70s to 1989, however, it was functionally replaced by the Professional Karate Association and became the organization of Shuri-ryu karate (which was the style of the founder of the ISKA). From 1989 to 1999, the leadership of the organization was disputed after the founder of the ISKA died and in 1999 it was dissolved entirely. Uh-huh. I could probably get away saying I was an ISKA world champion, too, on account that the organization no longer exists.
I understand that martial arts isn't frequently very online. And his credentials are good enough so that Black Belt magazine recognizes him training Quinton Jackson and Chieck Kongo. His Wikipedia page also says he's working with BJ Penn . . . which is plausible since he got Penn in his silly little movie. But you compare Echavarria's Wikipedia page with, say, Penn's Wikipedia page -- and Penn's career is sourced out the wazoo. It says who Penn trained with and gives sources. So when Wikipedia says BJ Penn beat Brazilian jiu jitsu world champions, there's a sourced link to NBCSports.com. And, of course, it's superficially easy to find sources that acknowledge BJ Penn fought in the UFC and has held the lightweight and welterweight belts. And, interestingly enough, on Penn's Wikipedia page it makes no mention, at all, of Hector Echavarria training him. Neither does Rampage Jackson's page mention Echavarria as a trainer. Argh. This Echavarria is a tool.
This is just too good. I've got to quote: "Born in Corrientes, Argentina on December 6, 1969. Asthma troubled Echavarria as a young child, and his parents had to take turns rocking him at night just so he could breathe. His father sought help for his son with acupuncture treatments, and thereby came to know the first Shaolin monk to flee China, Grand Master Tung Kou Tsao. Although Hector was only four years old, Kou Tsao recommended that Hector learn Tai Chi Chuan because it would help alleviate his asthma by strengthening his breathing. For that reason, Hector started taking lessons in Tai Chi Chuan and Chinese Boxing with Kou Tsao. By the age of six, he was training in Judo and Jiu Jitsu under Grand Master Mayamoto of Kodokan." Holy shit, this guy's a fucking liar! Trained by Shaolin monks? Really? Grand masters of Kodokan started personally training him when he was six? Uh, yeah, right.
In addition to being a liar, he's also a lousy director and actor. I mean, I know that's what this article was supposed to be about but I was totally derailed by what a giant liar this guy is! Oh, excuse me, I'm sure that the article has no connection at all to Echavarria . . . *rolls eyes so far back I can see my brain*
But it's a lousy movie. Instead of being about all those MMA guys I like so well, it's about Hector and his MMA fanfic. Because that's what the movie is, MMA fanfic and he's the Mary Stu. Totally no kidding. So, he's the bestest MMA fighter ever and he hangs out all the time with a bunch of MMA guys, no, really! And they all just love him and think he's so cool and tough!
But MMA isn't badass enough for Hector, nope! He gets brought into an illegal tournament where he doesn't have to fight by any pansy rules! And for getting into the league, he gets to have sex with a hot girl! And when he wins, he gets to have sex with the other guy's hot girl and his own hot girl is totally okay with that! And he gets paid so much better than MMA fighters, who are always there for him and . . . he can beat up Anderson Silva! That's how tough he is!
It's totally fan fiction that somehow got filmed. The fights aren't particularly good -- so it's also a waste of talent, too.
Oh, god, the whole movie is like that. And it's awful. And I got suckered by the stupid fucking cover with guys I like on it. And there's a sex montage about every fifteen minutes. I think there are four of them in the movie. It's like, "Another fifteen minutes -- so here's some titties!" It's like a fourteen year old boy's power fantasy.
Anyway, the article rambled because I found saw Echavarria's lies about himself. The movie sucks. It's cover is a lie. A piece of my soul died today.
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